Let go, Forgive

 

Forgiveness

One of life's greatest challenges is forgiving someone who has wronged you. Yet, it is also one of the most fulfilling, reassuring, and tranquil experiences.

Definition

So, what exactly is forgiveness? According to the American Psychological Association, forgiveness is a deliberate transformation of your emotions, beliefs, and actions, liberating yourself from the clutches of bitterness and enabling you to extend kindness, empathy, or similar sentiments toward the individual who caused you harm. In simpler terms, forgiveness means letting go of anger and any other negative feelings toward someone or something.

Psychology and Physiology

Numerous studies have shown that forgiving enhances our mood, uplifts our spirits, and promotes contentment, thus benefiting our mental and physical well-being. Conversely, harbouring resentment keeps individuals in a perpetual "fight or flight" mode, triggering the release of stress hormones in the body, which can contribute to various health and psychological issues such as stress, anxiety, and depression. While a medical professional can elaborate on the physiological impacts in detail, research has consistently highlighted the detrimental health effects of holding onto grudges.

Islam and Forgiveness

From an Islamic perspective, forgiveness similarly yields positive effects on mental health, including reduced stress and anxiety, increased happiness, improved self-esteem, and a decreased risk of depression, ultimately fostering a sense of peace and enhancing relationships. The Quran underscores forgiveness as a virtue favoured by Allah (SWT), reflecting obedience and trust in His ultimate justice. Holding onto anger and resentment burdens the soul, while forgiveness enables the release of negative emotions, promoting inner peace and emotional well-being. It's important to remember that forgiveness is not a sign of weakness; rather, it demonstrates strength and resilience in choosing to transcend negativity and cultivate healthier relationships.

Forgiveness aids in purifying the heart and facilitating spiritual growth, allowing individuals to focus on the positives in life and strengthen their connection with Allah (SWT). By forgiving, Muslims strive to emulate the Prophetic example, as Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was renowned for his profound capacity for forgiveness.

The Forgiveness Process

Forgiveness is not an event; it's a journey—a gradual process toward greater emotional freedom and personal growth.

Acknowledge Your Emotions: Recognise the hurt, anger, or resentment you feel. Ignoring these emotions can impede the forgiveness process.

Understand the Hurt: Reflect on the situation from your perspective and how it impacted you.

Consider the Other Person: Try to empathise with the other person's perspective and motivations.

Make a Decision to Forgive: Forgiveness is a choice. Decide if you're willing to let go of negativity, even if it takes time.

Work Through Your Feelings: Seek support through journaling, confiding in a trusted friend or therapist, or practising relaxation techniques.

Let Go of Resentment: Focus on releasing negative emotions and cultivating compassion or understanding.

Set Boundaries (Optional): Forgiveness doesn't mean disregarding your well-being. Establish boundaries if necessary.

Practice Self-Compassion: Be patient with yourself throughout the forgiveness process.

Celebrate Your Progress: Acknowledge your resilience and progress in forgiving.

Forgiving does not equate to forgetting the experience; rather, it entails learning from it. While trusting the individual again is subjective, forgiving, even if solely for your own well-being—psychological, physical, social, and environmental—is essential. 

Remember, forgiveness is a personal journey with no right or wrong approach. Seek professional help if you encounter difficulties along the way.

SFAwan

MPhil - Clinical Psychology